X-Rated Bloodsuckers
Mario Acevedo
Release Date: 2/27/07

The title is intriguing (or maybe titillating is a better word) and the premise, a vampire P.I. investigating the death of a “surgeon turned porn star” (book jacket summary), sounds ridiculous and promisingly funny, but I could not get past the writing style. It’s a riff on old dime-store detective novels, complete with the bad similes and that first-person seedy swagger.

I wanted to like this book. I sat down prepared to enjoy it, but the very first page gave me reservations… and click here to see how it played out.

…and the rest of chapter one did nothing to relieve them. There were interesting points, like contact lens that can hide a vampire’s identity from humans while simutaneously lessening that vampire’s control and power. But other facets of vampiric power, though mundane (for vampire lore) felt too pat and taken for granted. However, I forged ahead, thinking that perhaps the writing would get better, or the tone get bad enough to be ridiculously funny, but Acevedo took a relatively unexplored idea (sure, everyone’s done vampires and sex, but who’s done vampires and porn?) with great potential and mired it in a swamp of clichéd writing and bad setups. I read up to halfway through chapter seven to see if I could get past my hang-ups, but it didn’t work.

There’s nothing wrong with writing in the dime-store detective tradition – it was, and is, immensely popular and enjoyable. Mickey Spillane, the original and probably the most famous writer of the hard-nosed-P.I.-investigates-edgy-crime genre, wove heart and humor into his blunt and gritty style, traits Acevedo’s writing lacks. In the area of paranormal investigative writing, the author of the highly funny and enjoyable wizard-for-hire “Dresden Files” series, Jim Butcher, channels the Spillane style – the “traditional” detective style – as Acevedo does, but the Spillane style is only an echo in Butcher’s writing: he maintains his own distinct voice, never coming across as a copy or a hack. And Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the “Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter” series, definitely has that paranormal P.I. thing going on, but she’s even farther from the Spillane style, and her writing exhibits a smoothness, flow, and depth of character that Acevedo doesn’t achieve.

What bothered me most about Acevedo’s writing were the constant, over-the-top, ungainly descriptive comparisons. And certainly, like the majority of the porn industry, Bloodsucker’s intended audience is male – the descriptions of women are overdone and sexually focused. The writing is flat, its jokes fall short, and the internal dialogue – especially the expository flashbacks – of Felix Gomez, the main character, is unbelievable. Maybe Bloodsucker’s plot is banging – maybe there is a real gem buried in the midst of this 384 page detective throwback, but I don’t have the inclination to go searching for it. Those trying to get their vamp fixes should probably look elsewhere – there are plenty of other authors to pick. If you’re a fan of horribly written detective novels, you’ll probably love this book. If not, then X-Rated Bloodsuckers is a waste of time.

Posted in Books, Detective, Paranormal |